To find a Holy Maiden is truly a very hard thing... To find love and to actually like someone can took lots of courage to say it out... For my heart has been smitten by love itself and i love someone but i do not know if that person will like me.. I have nothing to offer... Im not strong, im nt straight foward.. But i truly love that person... A girl whose beauty and kindness does not come from the outside but the inside...

Her outer beauty is as calm as the ocean itself... Everytime i look at her smiling face or hear her voice... I feel like im floating on the ocean breathing in the ocean air free from troubles... She makes me feel special inside... Every steps, i can as if feel that shes there with me... Ive known her not for long but for 2 years... It does make an impact doesnt it..

I wish i can voiceo ut my feelings for her but sadly... i do not have enough courage to voice it out and i do not know if she feels the same way... and also cos im not handsome and does not have any looks... How am i able to compete with guys who are blessed with looks?? i feel that she would rather should other guys than me... The only thing i can do now is to only compose it in my heart... and let it flow freely in my mind, memories and dreams...

Therefore a poem such as this has been ceated and makes my heart satisfied:

A Bird That Has Lost Its Wings

Cannot Fly Around The Big Sky Of Memories

But I Believe That As Long As One Is Alive,

Memories will continue To Be Created

As Time Goes By...

Im back to blogging... Hahaha... I do not know whether i should be happy about it... The winds of changes have begun to strike again... For god sake... I should not even bother to write it down... Its not as if all of you will understand what i am feeling right now.

With each day passing by... the river of memories are slowly increasing and it makes me feel that im being treated like a nobody... I finally have the answer and reason to why people makes friends with me... I do not know if the answers or reasons are real but in my heart i feel that is the reason onto why they make friends with me.

Naturally im kind at heart and i can never hate someone even though i said that i hate... For im not a type of person who would bear grudges and keep hatred inside my heart... And i will always treat my friends with kindness and smile and maybe because of that my friends wanna me to be their friend... And at the same time i feel that they wanna use this kindness of mine to their advantage.

Its not really nice of me to say that but thats what my heart feels sometimes. All this is strongly shown when i join the SYA. im being treated nicely just cos they wanted me to do something and from my poit of view is actually that they look down on me... I know that people will not idolise or look up on me. I know that i have no wonderful ability or attributes for i have not been blessed by that... I am only being blessed with the ability to understand what other people's are feelings..

Even so... I do not know myself what i have been blessed with by God. Im still searching.. Hope i am able to find it soon.. People are always looking down on me cos i am different from them... Very different... No looks, not adorable, not cool or something like tat... I can never belong in this world... The world which are judged by looks and the outer beauty...

In the love zone, i can never truly belong and it shall never come to me... In the friendship zone, I can belong and have oodles of friends but they will treat me as the last letter of the alphabet...

The new resolution of my life is to find my true place in this world and to find the "best place" where my heart can feel at ease and i will always be happy... For now.. A nobody like me can never be accepted in this society which is judged and run by looks and outer beauty and money...

My current stand in society: Nobody

My current stand in love: Impossible

My current stand in friendship: Treated like the last letter of the alphabet

Will it ever changed?? And once again.. No one absolutely no one will understand what i am going through right now for no one will want to know a nobody like me...