I have got a very good advice unexpectedly from a mother of a 2 year old from Australia yesterday night. The weird thing is this though... She calls me cheeky.. Me?? Cheeky?? I guess i am huh seeing she has said it... I think she called me cheeky is because i said this: as woman aged they become more adorable to me that is and also i say that i prefer a girl who is older than me... I think thats why she called me cheeky... Ah ha ha he he... Sigh... As such i started to say about me not having any confidence in finding myself a girlfriend... I am a nerd with no looks and such so i have no luck in finding any girl... Thats when she say that looks are secondary to what is inside as looks do not last long... As usual im not exactly entirely convinced for ive always believe that but it does nt bring anywhere.

Thats when she suddenly say this: You must not look down on yourself. You are a clever kid and you are very unique in lots of ways.. You are what you are and you must not change yourself to make people like you... Thats when i suddenly realised that the me right now is not exactly me... When i asked her if girls will like a guy like me who are into flowers and cute animals?? She say that is your own unique individuality and not all guys admire the beauty of nature around them and you are special in your own ways...

Now i finally realised that the old me is not yet gone... The old me who loves Wildlife and Flora & Fauna is still here and i must not change who i really am for others as it is not me... The nerd who loves books and animes and who loves the beauty of nature... That is me... I do not care if i would not have any relationship... As long as i am happy with what i like and love i will always be happy... I would not let some boorish harpies or some ignorant or high and mighty girls which i always desire of having a relationship destroy the real me.. Girls like them are pests in my books... Flaunting and flirting and twisting their evil fingers onto people... Ughh... They are worse than vampires or banshees...

I have a wonderful time hanging out with tauhid on Tuesday... Well... Not exactly hanging out just accomapnying him studying... And also just you know catching up on stories... Heha.. Not gossiping.. Just reminiscing about the time we were hanging out with Nadiah and Filzah.. Good Times.. Good Times... Im really glad that i have made a right choice... My bestfriend...

Putting That Aside, i went to shoot a video for my school project... Im glad that the first scene went well.. Thank God... And also conflict starts to happen between my group and my teachers... Haizzz... Poor me.. Oh well what to do...

Putting That Aside, I have started to be myself once again!! Its all thanks to tauhid... Hanging out with him on tuesday shows me that i have to be myself and not to worry about what your looks are and such.. My friends like me for who i am and i should stay that way... In a way im grateful that i am who i am and at the same time im disgusted at myself for always looking down at myself... I am perfect the way i am... Even so.. I am still an otaku or a nerd... and i am proud to be one!! Its because i am a nerd and my uniqueness that got me such wonderful bestfriend like tauhid and great friends like hang giap, kc, fairuzi, nadiah and filzah... Where can you find a nerd like me who will have such COOL friends?? I am really lucky...

Konichiwa!!! Ur typical average geeky teenager here!!! But i wont of course be what i am when i was writing the previous post... Hehe... Ive decided to just dissolve all bonds with those who have hurt my feelings to the max... I am glad that i no longer need to bother with that type of people... However its a little bit not me isnt it... My motto in life is that it is easier to trust than to doubt and to err is human forgive is devine... However that type of people i would not even want to acknowledge their friendship however i acknowledge this people as my muslim brothers.. Nothing more than that... I will respect them for God's grace not for their sake... Simple to say... These type of people are not my friends however they are mere acquaintance to me whom i treasure as a muslim brothers for it is a sin to hate those who are muslims...

But my purpose of writing now is not to dwell on that... Ive just realised that i am a very lucky guy... I have such wonderful best friends like Tauhid and Fairuzi... All of my riends are like fruits in a basket. Tauhid is like an apple, Fairuzi is like an orange, Filzah is like a pear, Nadiah is like a banana, Hang giap is like grapes and Kc is like lemon...Heheh... How werid huh.. Categorizing them into fruits... Typical me...

Im your typical, average, unattractive, geeky teenager... I fall into a category where we do not gain any respect from others.. Others keep looking down at me... Thinking that i am inferior... It is true im inferior from them in lots of ways... First of all im a GEEK, NERD and of course NOT HANDSOME... Why would we deserve respect from them?? They only make friends with you only to gain something in return not because they desire your friendship but they feel that they can use us to get what they want.

Not only are we not respected in what we are... Our opinions are also being constantly ignored... It has happen to me before but do they care?? No they dont... Typical... its one thing that our opinion is ignored ; its another thing that they insult us for giving our opinions. Especially when it comes to them who have relationship problems... Its true that its good to seek advice from those who have experience it but its even better to ask those like me as we may not have any relationship however we have the "ability" to see what those in relationship cant see while we can...

Its fine that i do not have any girl who will fall for me for who would want to fall for me... Respect our feelings... My heart has been pierced like a thousand knives when this certain someone say this to me:


"Khafian, you do not have any realtionship before so do not act that you know what problem we faced"


He said that to me just cos i give my opinions. Its hurtful to hear that from someone whom i consider as a friend... I do not mind people insulting me FAT, STUPID, SLENGA or anything but do not ever say that i do not have any relationship even its true... Ive always been envious of those guys who can easily get a gal... Who isnt...

Be Who You Are And Not Be Who You Are Not ; that has always been my motto and my belief... But the more i see around myself people who do not act who they really are inside alway wins as for me always loses... Its true with this saying: Good Guys Always Finish Last In A Relationship... I guess... My very existence on this earth is just a joke when it comes to social life and standings in Singapore...