I take back what i have written on the 22nd December post regarding LOVE... Bleuggghh!!! Dont joke around with me... My heart will always close its doors to love... For it has brought nothing but misery and the love that is currently happening are not pure but tainted with the measly humans selfishness... They love not for their loved ones but to take advantage... Love is a joke and a pain in the neck... My heart will never allow even a small ray of love for even right now im still hating it... I may be an emo guy but seeing them those who are not serious in love only makes me laugh and whats with all this sadness??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Love can really make people crazy and sometimes stupid isnt it??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I rather give my love to Nature who has always been there for me ever since im in primary school... My only friends are the cats and plants at my house and school... Even so... I love them and yet they just disappear from my sight... Once u love them they are gone... Whats the point of loving if they are gone the next day?? Stop joking around me... I will never accept LOVE!!! Definitely!!!

I know i am not suppose to celebrate christmas but christmas are the best holiday ever besides hari raya!!! I just love christmas!!! Its a day of giving and miracles!! Not any miracles but the beauty of nature itself!!! Like the first snowflake that drops from the heavens... Its really beautiful and an outstanding experience!! Ive never witnessed any snow fall but the looks on those who touched the first snowflake touched me in the inside!!!

Lights on the christmas trees glitters like the stars at the sky showing off its beauty to the world... Words just cant describe the beauty of christmas... The voice in my heart regarding the beauty of it can never be expressed in words... Only those who knows me well will be able to understand or feel what my heart is saying right now... I wonder who knows me best huh...

Ive always insulted and despised LOVE... However, i now know that i could never despised LOVE even though i do not have anyone special in life... I may not have a girlfriend however i have lots of special things in my life and i cherished them... Love can be hurtful at times and confusing... However im sure that everyone will agree with me that Love has done more good than harm... Love is a wonderful feeling that all humans possesed and its one of the most precious and powerful gift given by God...

With Love, all evil will perished... Hehe... Ok... That part is basically from my imagination for watching too much anime... But if we were to look at it from the reality point of view ; its true... For example.. my good friend nadiah... She has grown much stronger in controlling her emotions and she will not let even the slightest obstacles stop her instead her Love driven her forward... My uncle's change his ways due to his love for his mother... Even though he's an ex-convict, his love for his mum drives him to change in order to make his mother's happy...

Im really... really... such an idiot aren't i... For dissing love... Uwauuuuggghh... Dissing love is the worst... I cant believe that a person like me who adores Nature and Wildlife actually disses love... That has nothing to do with it but Nature is made up of 4 elements which are Fire, Water, Earh and Wind and lastly Love... What ive always believed is true before i changed... Right now im starting anew... I will no longer care on to what people say about me... I am who i am...

Among all force on Earth, there is nothing as powerful as Love itself... In Animes, through Love, even Death is conquered and defeated... Love may be blind... But it is powerful... Dissing love is an unforgivable act... I guess i will never be forgiven for dissing love huh...

Wars, Suiciders and Riots... Despised them... Despised them even more for those who finds that killing and creating bloodshed is a joy or produce a wonderful feelings... They treat life as a toy... They do not deserve to be call a human being... Even so... It is because of us being a human that we turn out this way... Even so... They are a bunch of idiots who thinks that DEATH and TERROR are the way to solve their problems... What kind of a fool are they??

Teenagers who plans to commit suicide due to some trivial reasons like GF/BF left them, Family Problems, Sick With Their Life... They are STUPID & IDIOTS... Using suicide as a way to solve will only create more problems... I have friends who have tried to kill themselves or attempting suicide by slicing their hands... I despised those who treat life as a toy... My life itself has not been good for the past 19 years... And yet i could not face myself of wanting to attempt suicide even though ive thought of it...

My love for my friends, family and my faith in religion prevents me from doing so... I myself am guilty however i look at it in a positive way to fight my negativity in my heart...

There are lots of beautiful and unexplained beauty in this world. Ranging from different eras and time zone... From the Ancient World to the Middle Ages and finally to the Modern World we are living right now... During the Ancient Times, majestic buildings are build to show to the other ocuntries that they are powerful and they are immortal... Even so... The beauty of the buildings are still admired and envy till this day... Mysteries revolved behind each of this marvels....

Ancient Wold Wonders:

Great Pyramid of Giza , Hanging Gardens of Babylon , Statue of Zeus at Olympia

Temple of Artemis at Ephesus , Mausoleum of Maussollos at Halicarnassus

Colossus of Rhodes and Lighthouse of Alexandria

Middle Ages Wonders:

Stonehenge , Colosseum , Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa , Great Wall of China

Porcelain Tower of Nanjing , Hagia Sophia , Leaning Tower of Pisa , Taj Mahal , Cairo Citadel

Ely Cathedral , Cluny Abbey

Modern World Wonders:

Channel Tunnel , CN Tower , Empire State Building , Golden Gate Bridge

Itaipu Dam , Delta Works , Panama Canal

Natural Wonders:

Grand Canyon , Great Barrier Reef , Rio de Janeiro , Mount Everest , Aurorae ,

Parícutin , Victoria Falls , Northern Red Sea , Lake Baikal , Galápagos Islands

Deep-Sea Vents , Belize Barrier Reef , Palau

Among all of the wonders ive mentioned... I loves the Natural Wonders the most... Humans may have created wonderful buildings that are praised and envied by many... However to me, Mother Nature creates the best and most wonderful beatuy wonders of all!!! We are still far aways from Nature for Nature has done it for Billions of years ever since the time of dinosaurs... Man Made wonders does excites me but it does not give the feeling of peace and serenity when looking at it... Nature is the best Wonders among all the Wonders of the World.. Even so... These wonders amzazed me in lots of ways and yes... I totally appreciate thier extravagant beauty...

If i were to be surrounded by the beauty of Nature... I will be the most happy person in the world... The Beauty Of Nature are unbeatable even by the most proclaimed beautiful girls in the world... Falling in love with the beauty of nature are the most wonderful!! Nature's beauty are beautiful both the outside and the inside.. Unlike girls who are only beautiful on the outside...

Konichiwa!! Hehahe... How are you guys?? Eh... Who the hell am i asking to?? Haha... Ok.. Thats lame.. Its really weird... I am confident about others' relationship and yet i am not confident about my own... What the heck!? I do not even have a single bloody girlfriend or in any bloody relationship for the past 19 years!!! Haizzz.. Oh well... I just have to let fate and time to decide for im clearly uncertain about my future... VERY uncertain... A guy like me who does not exactly believe in LOVE as LOVE have not yet smitten me... Well except for my love towards my friends, family, animals and the flora and fauna... For now...

Animes, Nature & Wildlife, Books, Games, Mangas and Education are the most important to me... Wow... Im really a NERD!! Ehhhhh?! Not only am i a nerd im also an OTAKU!!! Hehe... Im proud to be one!!! Khafian is a NERD and an OTAKU and i am proud of who i am... Hehe... Phewww... Enough with this!!... I wish my life is like Anime!! I wanna be someone who will be useful to the society and to my friends... From where i stand right now... Im still useless... Only care about animes and mangas and nature.... Ugggghhh... When my life will have a sweeter turn??

I have got a very good advice unexpectedly from a mother of a 2 year old from Australia yesterday night. The weird thing is this though... She calls me cheeky.. Me?? Cheeky?? I guess i am huh seeing she has said it... I think she called me cheeky is because i said this: as woman aged they become more adorable to me that is and also i say that i prefer a girl who is older than me... I think thats why she called me cheeky... Ah ha ha he he... Sigh... As such i started to say about me not having any confidence in finding myself a girlfriend... I am a nerd with no looks and such so i have no luck in finding any girl... Thats when she say that looks are secondary to what is inside as looks do not last long... As usual im not exactly entirely convinced for ive always believe that but it does nt bring anywhere.

Thats when she suddenly say this: You must not look down on yourself. You are a clever kid and you are very unique in lots of ways.. You are what you are and you must not change yourself to make people like you... Thats when i suddenly realised that the me right now is not exactly me... When i asked her if girls will like a guy like me who are into flowers and cute animals?? She say that is your own unique individuality and not all guys admire the beauty of nature around them and you are special in your own ways...

Now i finally realised that the old me is not yet gone... The old me who loves Wildlife and Flora & Fauna is still here and i must not change who i really am for others as it is not me... The nerd who loves books and animes and who loves the beauty of nature... That is me... I do not care if i would not have any relationship... As long as i am happy with what i like and love i will always be happy... I would not let some boorish harpies or some ignorant or high and mighty girls which i always desire of having a relationship destroy the real me.. Girls like them are pests in my books... Flaunting and flirting and twisting their evil fingers onto people... Ughh... They are worse than vampires or banshees...

I have a wonderful time hanging out with tauhid on Tuesday... Well... Not exactly hanging out just accomapnying him studying... And also just you know catching up on stories... Heha.. Not gossiping.. Just reminiscing about the time we were hanging out with Nadiah and Filzah.. Good Times.. Good Times... Im really glad that i have made a right choice... My bestfriend...

Putting That Aside, i went to shoot a video for my school project... Im glad that the first scene went well.. Thank God... And also conflict starts to happen between my group and my teachers... Haizzz... Poor me.. Oh well what to do...

Putting That Aside, I have started to be myself once again!! Its all thanks to tauhid... Hanging out with him on tuesday shows me that i have to be myself and not to worry about what your looks are and such.. My friends like me for who i am and i should stay that way... In a way im grateful that i am who i am and at the same time im disgusted at myself for always looking down at myself... I am perfect the way i am... Even so.. I am still an otaku or a nerd... and i am proud to be one!! Its because i am a nerd and my uniqueness that got me such wonderful bestfriend like tauhid and great friends like hang giap, kc, fairuzi, nadiah and filzah... Where can you find a nerd like me who will have such COOL friends?? I am really lucky...

Konichiwa!!! Ur typical average geeky teenager here!!! But i wont of course be what i am when i was writing the previous post... Hehe... Ive decided to just dissolve all bonds with those who have hurt my feelings to the max... I am glad that i no longer need to bother with that type of people... However its a little bit not me isnt it... My motto in life is that it is easier to trust than to doubt and to err is human forgive is devine... However that type of people i would not even want to acknowledge their friendship however i acknowledge this people as my muslim brothers.. Nothing more than that... I will respect them for God's grace not for their sake... Simple to say... These type of people are not my friends however they are mere acquaintance to me whom i treasure as a muslim brothers for it is a sin to hate those who are muslims...

But my purpose of writing now is not to dwell on that... Ive just realised that i am a very lucky guy... I have such wonderful best friends like Tauhid and Fairuzi... All of my riends are like fruits in a basket. Tauhid is like an apple, Fairuzi is like an orange, Filzah is like a pear, Nadiah is like a banana, Hang giap is like grapes and Kc is like lemon...Heheh... How werid huh.. Categorizing them into fruits... Typical me...

Im your typical, average, unattractive, geeky teenager... I fall into a category where we do not gain any respect from others.. Others keep looking down at me... Thinking that i am inferior... It is true im inferior from them in lots of ways... First of all im a GEEK, NERD and of course NOT HANDSOME... Why would we deserve respect from them?? They only make friends with you only to gain something in return not because they desire your friendship but they feel that they can use us to get what they want.

Not only are we not respected in what we are... Our opinions are also being constantly ignored... It has happen to me before but do they care?? No they dont... Typical... its one thing that our opinion is ignored ; its another thing that they insult us for giving our opinions. Especially when it comes to them who have relationship problems... Its true that its good to seek advice from those who have experience it but its even better to ask those like me as we may not have any relationship however we have the "ability" to see what those in relationship cant see while we can...

Its fine that i do not have any girl who will fall for me for who would want to fall for me... Respect our feelings... My heart has been pierced like a thousand knives when this certain someone say this to me:


"Khafian, you do not have any realtionship before so do not act that you know what problem we faced"


He said that to me just cos i give my opinions. Its hurtful to hear that from someone whom i consider as a friend... I do not mind people insulting me FAT, STUPID, SLENGA or anything but do not ever say that i do not have any relationship even its true... Ive always been envious of those guys who can easily get a gal... Who isnt...

Be Who You Are And Not Be Who You Are Not ; that has always been my motto and my belief... But the more i see around myself people who do not act who they really are inside alway wins as for me always loses... Its true with this saying: Good Guys Always Finish Last In A Relationship... I guess... My very existence on this earth is just a joke when it comes to social life and standings in Singapore...

My Review On The Last Sequel Of J.K Rowling's Harry Potter Series: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows


img src= http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y211/khafian/439620543_b37c5fc7fa.jpg

J.K Rowling has truly made this a nice ending to the Harry Potter series. Questions are all answered in this last and final book. The mystery that revolves around Snape and onto why Dumbledore trusts Snape that much. Romance between the main characters are also shown and revealed... Sadly however in this book, the main character with whom Harry cares so much all ends up dead. I was nearly brimmed to tears when i was reading the book. i spent from 0900 to 0300 to read the book. It was truly breathtaking.

I will have to give it a raiting of 5/5. It is truly great. It makes the waiting worthwhile. Thank you J.K Rowling!!!!

Among all of the forces there is none other more elusive and mysterious than LOVE. In every fairy tale, you will always read that a kiss of true love is needed to break a curse or a spell... Or only true love can undo one's transformation like in the story Beauty And The Beast. A kiss of pure or true love is needed to break one's spell or curse like in the story Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. Love can also increase one's strength and will like in the story Peter Pan. All of this are from Walt Disney's Movies or story books but nevertheless there will always be love.

In Japanese Anime, Love is also one of the main and major force among the Good Guys. Like the anime Inuyasha, D.N Angel, Cardcaptor Sakura... These are some of them... In Inuyasha, Kagome kiss Inuyasha when Inuyasha was forced to sell his soul to Kaguya Hime and thus transforming him into a full youkai however a kiss from Kagome stop the transformation. In D.N Angel, Niwa Daisuke must find his True Maiden in order to be a normal boy and he will transform into Dark Mousy when he is smitten by love when he look at Harada Risa picture but that change when he realise that he truly loves and care for the elder sister, Harada Riku.

In Cardcaptor Sakura, Li Syaoran confesses his love and Kinomoto Sakura was surprised and do not know how to response; however she soon realise that she too loves him when a magic circle suddenly lighted up and a Sakura Card bearing the Love sign appear magically in Sakura's hand. This makes Sakura truly realised herself in her heart and this futher shown when the Negative Card appear and started to erased everybody that Sakura loves and care about. Syaoran was also erased... Kinomoto Sakura with a heavy heart, fall in despair however, Sakura did not give up and she inform the Negative Card that she is not alone and Sakura will always be there for her; she manged to seal and she cried when she thought of Syaoran and magically the Love and Negative Card combine together to form the Hope Card. Syaoran and the rest was returned. Sakura confesses her feeling to Syaoran with Syaoran saying his feelings to Sakura once again.

There are lots of other animes that potrays the power of love. That is the reason onto why i love watching Jap Anime for it is interesting. We can clearly see from here that Love is truly mysterious and it can help you out in a very tight situation...

School is getting very hectic!!! I cant believe that im going to be a senior in the Core Group. Core Group is like a Computer Club. Its a studio set up for students in Multimedia Technology to do industrial projects and to experience video production and editing. I have the DV Rolling Competition and tomorrow i have the Sports Explosion Event and i have to video shoot the entire event!! Arrrrrggghh!! Me no confident....

Whatever it is Daisuki Coregroup!!! Which basically means I Like... I think... Starting from next week my teacher will bring in students to the studio... OH MY GOD!!! What on earth am i suppose to do?????

My Views On Live Earth

The Live Earth concert which was meant to spread the message to the world informing them that the world is in danger and we have to do something about it. Sadly though, the message did not spread across and it only makes the situation much worse. There are lots of flaws in the Live Earth Organization. One of the flaw is that the concert is aired 24 hours and doesnt running the whole concert requires electricity?? Where do you think electricity comes from?? From power plants right... And what do they use to provide electricity?? Fossil fuels.. Did not they need to burn the fossil fuels to generate electricity? Burning of fossil fuels will release carbon dioxide and monoxide into the atmosphere and thus increase the temperature of the Earth.

To some people they may say that its only for a while... BUT in this case every hour, seconds and minutes are vital. With every seconds, the Earth is growing weaker and dangerous. The hole at the Ozone Layer is getting bigger... And yet not everybody in this world seems to understand that the world we live in are in a much danger state. It is indeed a good move to host the Live Earth concert for maybe the Artists/Singers can persuade the people to care more for the environment... However we are forgetting one thing... Humans are the most ARROGANT beings to walk on this Earth and we are taking advantage of Earth. Teenagers will most probably understand the current situation much better than the adults for adults are kinda slow and stupid when it comes to this type of situation. Sorry to say that but its true. Not all adults know about Global Warming and anything that has to do with the Environment or Nature.

The Earth is slowly heating up... Natural Disasters like Hurricanes and Tornadoes are inevitable. The melting of the Polar Ice Caps at the North and South Pole are inevitable as well. This is truly a bad sign...

The Earth is dying. We humans are too late to notice. The balance has been disrupted. The earth is slowly heating up and theres nothing we can do about it. The earth has a "shield" calls Ozone Layer. This ozone layer protects the earth from getting too hot, too cold and preventing the sun's harmful radiation entering earth. However this shield is weakening and the hole which the scientists found is growing bigger and from what i have read at all of my encyclopedia, there are no current technology that is able to fix this hole; the only thing that we can do is to hinder its hole from getting bigger.

Most people will not find this as important but in actual fact its the most important factor for our survival. With the hole at the ozone layer, it will allow the harmful radiation from the sun to enter and this will increase the earth's temperature; when that happens, the polar ice caps located at the North and South Pole will melt. When that happens, the entire earth's sea level will increase and the ice caps holds at least 2/3 of the earth's freshest water. When the sea level increase, there will be frequent floodings and countries which are located near the sea or below sea level will be affected the most.

Not to also mention of frequent tornadoes and hurricane. Both of this natural disaster require heat to form and with the earth's temperature rising it comes of no surprise to hear countries being hit by tornado or hurricane. My love for nature has makes me really hate the major power in the world... They are so slow in taking action... I guess i should take the matters to my own hands...

Everywhere i go... Everywhere i look... Everywhere i hear... Love will always be in the air and it seems that everyone has their own girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancee, husband or wife... Teenagers from all sorts have girlfriends and some are attached already at such a young age... Frankly speaking this makes me really green with envy.... Kids at the young age like in Pri 6 are already in a relationship meanwhile a 19 year old boy like me who is in ITE has not even been in a relationship...

I guess i really am not a girl's type guy huh... What girls on this earth would want a Geek , Anime Freak , No Looks , No Interesting Personality guy like me... I am not hot... Neither am i handsome... Neither am i cute... Neither am i adorable... It is also not a surprise to me if parents of a girls will actually not liking to have me as a boyfriend who is fat and have no looks... Parents always wants the best for their chirldren won't they not??? There was one time a parent of my friend say that and my friend told me and i was really hurt in the inside but who is to blame...

It is true... For why on earth would girls would want a guy like me where they can go for guys who are handsome, cute and hot unlike me who are like whales... Full of blubber... heeex.. Criticising myself huh... Well.. Better hear it from me than someone else wont it... Whatever it is... I am sure that i will not find a girl or a family that will like me for who i am in the inside and not for the things that i give : material possesions and wealth... They like me for being me and accept me for who i am... HA!! Who am i kidding?? There are no such families or parents... For parents nowadays are only into guys who give their daughters wealth and material possesions... Ive gone through that scenario... Somewhat though...

It really hurts me inside but it is true... I think... For in the world that we currently live in, they no longer believe in the heart of the people... forgive me if this entry were to hurt any one's feelings... For i wrote it in this to vent my feelings out... This blog was no supposed to compose of my personal life but i have to for it really affected me in a lot of ways... both emotionally and physically... Especially emotionally...

In this world, i can only trust a few people... They make up of course my family and my friends... My parents, siblings i can trust. My closest cousin, Fairul is the only cousin whom i trust with all of my heart. Among my friends, Tauhid, Hang Giap, KC, Fairuzi, Habeebah and Filzah are the only one whom i really trust the most.

Frankly speaking i do not like to doubt people... Trusting people is much easier than doubting... I trust all my friends but only a few i will trust for me to tell my problems and such... Other than that... I trust almost everybody...

Hope has rekindled in my heart... Thanks to Tauhid's advice.. He's really the BESTEST FRIEND ever.. Yokkatta that i am his friend... Arigato go zai mas to kc, hang giap and tauhid.. You three are the BEST among all of my friends... Your kindness is beyond this world...

I like the feel of nature... Like the wind blowing, like the water flowing, the sound of the earth, the warmth from fire. Sometimes it feels that Nature is a part of me... When everytime i look at the vast sky or the vast ocean, i can sometimes feel as if Nature is talking to me...

The rustling of the leaves, the calm, cooling blow of the wind that caress me, the moving water that beats lightly and yet feel its calm... Whenever i feel alone and my heart is feeling unrest i will always look at Nature and it will always seem to calm me down and and i can actually feel that they are talking to me... I have always adore and admire Nature ever since Primary School and Nature has always been my friend. I can still remember one time where i have nothing to do during recess during primary sch, i will always go to this tree and i will talk to it and i feel its answer through its rustling leaves... During that time, I have no friends and my only friend in Primary School is the Nature around me... Even when i am in Secondary School, Nature is still my friends and Nature are my 2nd BESTEST friends in the whole world...

Whenever i am feeling alone or lonely, i will always look around me and sometimes i feel that the trees, flowers and plants around me are talking to me and calming my heart... Until now, they are the only one who really knows what i am feeling and going through right now... God has already know what i am feeling right now... Whenever i am feeling down or feel that i am not wanted in a society like in Singapore, i will always look and listen to sound of nature with my heart... And they will always help me to feel good... Besides my bestfriends like Tauhid and my good friends like KC, Hang Giap and Filzah... They have always been there for me... And i really am grateful.. However when they are not there for me, my Nature friends are there in turn for me..

Nature and its animals have always been there for me... They keep me happy and they make me believe in what i believe... I truly thank them.. However, i am furious with myself... I am really pathetic... I could not even repay any of their kindness... I owe a lot to my friends: Bestfriends, Goodfriends and Nature buddy... I do not know what to do to repay them... Nature has always been abused by the humans.. I want to do something but the only thing that i can do is just by talking to them... However i have vowed to myself that i will help all of my friends and i will always remain true to myself.. That what my friends have taught me...

Finally i can update my blog after a month of absence... Very busy for the past few weeks... Busy with school work, adobe competition and the canon dv competition and the animax award competition... And aslo due to a server error from blogspot that prevented me from updating... Anyway, here i am back to blogging!!! hahahaha...

Nothing new has happen... Except that i have finally received my Jap Anime VCDs entitled D.N Angel... Not only that though... Life on Earth has becoming violence is it not?? Especially with this Muslim people abusing the word "Jihad" and they did not understand the true meaning of "Jihad". Bloody idiots.... Oh well what to do...

A few more weeks to the releasing of the new harry potter book and movie... Im not jumping up and down though... hahha... Even though i still want to watch it... Oh well... I noticed that lately my personality and mindset are not the same like last time when i am in secondary school... Most of my friends say that i have become arrogant and such and i totally geel bad about it... But i did not know the cause of this changes to me... Maybe cos i am an arrogant guy or maybe that i want to shut myself of from the world...

I do not care if the society do not accept me and my weird personality... I notice that i am totally different from my friends especially the guys... Majority are into sports, girl watching and such.. I on the other hand are more into otaku stuff like anime and mangas, books, animals, nature and too emotional for a guy... But whatever it is some of my friends and teachers said that i have a unique personality and i do not know if it is that unique... I hope i can find out the answer huh... Hehe...

Oh my god!!! I cant believe that i have become a REALLY anime freak!!!! Well... Actually i am glad that i have become a Japanese Anime Freak!! Not like becoming a freak for Harry Potter when i was in Secondary School!! The very thought of it makes me sick... Bleugh... Collecting Harry Potter stuff and all and getting all crazy about it... Ha!! It makes me sick just by remembering it...

Lets just make a comparison between Lord Of The Rings and Harry Potter then huh... Aito... The difference between them huh... aito... This is kinda hard isn't it... Haha... Sokka... The difference is that in Lord Of The Rings there are Elves!!! Futhermore the elves like Galadriel and Arwen are so KAWAII!!!!! Hahaha... And not only because of the elves.. Its also because of the extensive use of magic like creating a huge armies and such and the evil lord, Sauron is more feared than the evil lord Voldemort in Harry Potter. No matter what it is LOTR is still the best... I am such a fool to finally realise the truth about LOTR being the best than Harry Potter

Nevertheless, Japanese Anime are still my NO.1!!! Animes like Deathnote, Kyou Kara Maou, Gakuen Alice, Erementar Gerad... AHHHHH!!! I just love them all so much!!! THEY ARE SO AMAZINGLY GOOD!!!!! Not good EXCELLENT!!! Even BETTER THAN EXCELLENT!!! FABULOUS!!!! I wonder when my shipment of my animes will come... Arrrggghh!!! I cant wait for it...

All the current anime which i have in possesion are only Inuyasha, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, Marchen Awakens Romance, Cardcaptor Sakura, Akazukin Cha Cha, D.N Angel, Fruits Basket, Ouran High School Host, Mai Hime and Kyou Kara Maou... Its like only a measly amount and i have like watched it many times and i can never grow bored of it... Yaha!!! Still waiting for the Naruto VCDS i have ordered from Shonen Jump Magazine though... And boy.. Its so EXPENSIVE!!! Luckily my cuzzin help to pay half the amount... Lucky me... Heheh..

Khafian a.k.a Bob a.k.a Fay.D.Fluorite a.k.a Kuedos has now officially become a JAPANESE ANIME FREAK!!!! YA-HAAAA!!!!!

Hmmmm... Who is the "TRASH", "MONSTER" here?? We have always heard of people criticising each other like in the USA whereby the Whites are criticising the Blacks.. Who are they, the Whites to criticise them??? We are all human beings and we are all the same no matter the colour, race, religion, size and beauty. Those who criticize those based on the categories i have mentioned, they are the "TRASH" and "MONSTER" for they are not human beings! A human being is the one who feels and care about others no matter who or what we are.

Sadly though... It is the adults who are behaving more like "THRASH" or "MONSTER". Like the current situation on the world right now whereby like the even which has occured like the Hurricane Katrina or the unnecessary war on Iraq. Is this what we call a human being?? Whereby using war as a force to eradicate "EVIL"?? Is this the right thing to do?? Maybe to the politicians is the right thing to do for maybe just maybe they have lost the true meaning of being a human being. But to me... A teenager like me who believes in friendship, peace and to always trust people feels that the politicians are doing the wrong kind of justice. That is to me though.

My sense of justice is whereby people are treated equally no matter who or what they are and if it were to protect those who are important to me; hurting myself in order to protect them will what i do. Those who use friendship as a tool like the alliance between a country and using that alliance to start a war; that is not justice its inhumanely wrong. Trusting is much easier than doubting someone and i have always stick to that ever since i am in Pri 3 and that never change until now... That justice of mine have change ever since a void has appear in my heart and luckily for me it is slowly covering it up therefore i need not fear of my justice gone.

The true "TRASH" are those who seek power and are those who use their power to destroy other city, country or people's life. These type of people are those who are not human beings but a DEVIL in disguise.

Isn't nature just wonderful??? Everytime i look at the big blue sky, the big ocean, the trees, breathe in the morning air... I will feel at ease and all troubles seem to ceased and it makes my heart happy and makes me thinking about how nature can really be mysterious in a way.. Sometimes, i feel that nature can really make my heart fall into a deep slumber romantic side... Only.. When it truly happen i can never know... But the feeling of wanting this increases everytime i look around the environment...

The stars and the moon... To me, its a symbol of romance for when one express their feelings during this time, i can feel its special brilliance and it really melted me... Hehe.. Sunset... A perfect romantic stroll on the beach.. Heheh... I wonder when i am able to do that... Hhaha... I love to stare blankly and view nature for there was something that i like but until now... My heart did not give me any answer for i know my place...

The girl of my dreams... I wonder if i am able to find her... My own "Holy Maiden"... Will i be able to find her?? Will my heart feels at ease whenever i am around her?? Will she completely fill the void in my life?? If i can really find her... She is truly my "Holy Maiden"... The "Holy Maiden" who can make me forget all of my troubles and makes me really happy in the inside...

Hmmm... i have a great time yesterday at my cuzzin house... The fun and all... Hehehe... Makes me forget all the unnecesarry situation that makes me infuriated and depressed... Ahhh... The month of April will be so packed with all of my friends birthday... What should i do??? Hmmm... Maybe i can ask grace and brenda if they wanna make a little party for fairuzi, hang giap and habeebah... hmmmm... I wonder... If they agree that will be so cool!! I just love celebrating all of my friends birthday especially my good friends and bestfriends!!! Hehe...

And not forgetting that i will be treating my best buddies to Ben & Jerry's... Hehe.. I wonder if they will be free... Nah... I hope they won't be free... Hahah... Just joking... A promise is a promise and i never ever break my promise... Hehe... I cant believe that i am slowly beginning to becoming an Anime freak!!! Argggghh!! Im actually forcing my parents to bring me to go to Japan in order for me to buy some Japanese Anime!! But my parents are reluctant to do that... Sobsobsob...

Hmmmm... Maybe i can ask my aunt and uncle to try and convince them.. Or maybe i should twiggle them around my little finger huh... Hahah.. How evil of me.. Im capable of doing that though... But it will only make me sound like "anak manja" or in english "spoiled child"... Hhehe.. Thats me.. and no one can change who you are in the inside except for some of my nature which have change due to certain events which have happened and im not liking it though... One of them is this : "HATRED". For 18 years i do not know the meaning and feeling of hatred.. But the moment i reach at the age of 19, certain events happened which caused my heart to actually have hatred in it.. The void is appearing in my heart... HATRED is slowly enveloping me.. And im trying not to let this get into me for i am a typical teenager who value peace, love, kindness and not hatred...

Certain things need to be taken into action regarding this void of mine... Something precious of mine has been threatened and i will do anything to protect it from those who seek to destroy it.. Hhehe... How nostalgic... Hhaha.. So not me.. Oh well... I just hope i am able to go to Japan around this year and i am currently waiting for the Japanese Anime VCDs which i have ordered...

DN Angel, Fruits Basket, Kyou Kara Maou, Eyeshield 21, Detective Conan... Haahaha.. These are the titles of the anime i ordered... And it all totalled nearly $400+++... Wow!!! i hope i have enough cash to pay when it comes to my doorstep... Hahah.. And not to mention of a jacket i ordered from Warner Brothers.. A Harry Potter jacket and it only cost $49.90!! That cheap huh and oh yeah not forgetting the shipping price and im still pondering if i want to buy Lord Of The Rings collectible... hmmmm... Maybe i should cut down of my spending expenditure... Oh well... Overall... Im a HAPPY TEENAGER even though a void has appear in my heart...

Sadness seems to be hovering around me and among some of my friends... Im not happy to be able to sense this from any of my friends... I despise it.. For their sad mood will only affect my mood... My mood changes depending on the people surrounding me... It will be more sensitive if the person whom i know for long is sad...

Nadia sama... Do not let your heart touched by grief and dont bother to care about those who do not care for your feelings.. This is my view... Crying will not make it right even if it did it is only done due to sympathy not from your heart. When u are sad or troubled you are only making people around you worried. We as your friends do not want to see you troubled or sad and we cannot help you if you were to remain in a box and not to truly understand yourself and not to be able to trust anyone in telling your problems.. it will only make you suffer.. Please listen to your heart and remember that all of your friends are worried if you are troubled or sad...

Anger and hatred seems to be filling the void in my heart... I have no idea who causes it but i have some vague theory and futhermore.. Hatred is not in my nature however if it were to threaten something which is important to me.. That feeling will erupt.. Humppph....

Ha! I KNEW IT!! I AM TREATED LIKE THE LAST LETTER OF THE ALPHABET!!!

To find a Holy Maiden is truly a very hard thing... To find love and to actually like someone can took lots of courage to say it out... For my heart has been smitten by love itself and i love someone but i do not know if that person will like me.. I have nothing to offer... Im not strong, im nt straight foward.. But i truly love that person... A girl whose beauty and kindness does not come from the outside but the inside...

Her outer beauty is as calm as the ocean itself... Everytime i look at her smiling face or hear her voice... I feel like im floating on the ocean breathing in the ocean air free from troubles... She makes me feel special inside... Every steps, i can as if feel that shes there with me... Ive known her not for long but for 2 years... It does make an impact doesnt it..

I wish i can voiceo ut my feelings for her but sadly... i do not have enough courage to voice it out and i do not know if she feels the same way... and also cos im not handsome and does not have any looks... How am i able to compete with guys who are blessed with looks?? i feel that she would rather should other guys than me... The only thing i can do now is to only compose it in my heart... and let it flow freely in my mind, memories and dreams...

Therefore a poem such as this has been ceated and makes my heart satisfied:

A Bird That Has Lost Its Wings

Cannot Fly Around The Big Sky Of Memories

But I Believe That As Long As One Is Alive,

Memories will continue To Be Created

As Time Goes By...

Im back to blogging... Hahaha... I do not know whether i should be happy about it... The winds of changes have begun to strike again... For god sake... I should not even bother to write it down... Its not as if all of you will understand what i am feeling right now.

With each day passing by... the river of memories are slowly increasing and it makes me feel that im being treated like a nobody... I finally have the answer and reason to why people makes friends with me... I do not know if the answers or reasons are real but in my heart i feel that is the reason onto why they make friends with me.

Naturally im kind at heart and i can never hate someone even though i said that i hate... For im not a type of person who would bear grudges and keep hatred inside my heart... And i will always treat my friends with kindness and smile and maybe because of that my friends wanna me to be their friend... And at the same time i feel that they wanna use this kindness of mine to their advantage.

Its not really nice of me to say that but thats what my heart feels sometimes. All this is strongly shown when i join the SYA. im being treated nicely just cos they wanted me to do something and from my poit of view is actually that they look down on me... I know that people will not idolise or look up on me. I know that i have no wonderful ability or attributes for i have not been blessed by that... I am only being blessed with the ability to understand what other people's are feelings..

Even so... I do not know myself what i have been blessed with by God. Im still searching.. Hope i am able to find it soon.. People are always looking down on me cos i am different from them... Very different... No looks, not adorable, not cool or something like tat... I can never belong in this world... The world which are judged by looks and the outer beauty...

In the love zone, i can never truly belong and it shall never come to me... In the friendship zone, I can belong and have oodles of friends but they will treat me as the last letter of the alphabet...

The new resolution of my life is to find my true place in this world and to find the "best place" where my heart can feel at ease and i will always be happy... For now.. A nobody like me can never be accepted in this society which is judged and run by looks and outer beauty and money...

My current stand in society: Nobody

My current stand in love: Impossible

My current stand in friendship: Treated like the last letter of the alphabet

Will it ever changed?? And once again.. No one absolutely no one will understand what i am going through right now for no one will want to know a nobody like me...

Yesterday on the 12th January was truly a memorable day for me. Words really could nt express my gratitude towards filzah, tauhid and nadiah. The only thing i can say that they are truly are wonderful friends of mine and im really thankful to Allah for i have such wonderful friends. They have always been helping me and yesterday was really a shocked to me that im still in an aftershock state.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything... You guys are truly my true friends.. No one can replace you guys from my heart.. No one can replace you guys as my true and wonderful friends. Words really cant express my gratitude..