I have always been alone in all my life... Even though I am surrounded by my family and wonderful, irreplacable friends, I will still feel alone inside... I know I am being selfish for having this type of feelings in me... But the more time passes by, it just made me realise that I am more alone than I thought... With each time passing by, it feels as if my heart is being taken over by the cold of the frozen tundra... Even happiness seems so far for me to achieved... My smile, my laughter... Is it all fake? Is this the the true me? What do I really want in life? Why is it that nothing I want has never come to me?! I have lots of dreams and wishes but all of these are just but dreams and can never be reality...
Even though I have tried my hardest and my very best in showing my capability, my hard work is not seen... Like as I thought... I can never be in the spotlight aren't I... I will always have to be the one working in the shadow, becoming someone's backbone... Even so... I am so used in being this way that it feels as if it already a part of me... My hard work and everything... It really does not meant anything isn't it in this society?! What's the point of me being hardworking and trying my best in everything if it only makes me even more miserable?! ME being nice and kind... What the point of it if people keep using me for something they need for their own purpose?! If that is what destiny wants me to be then I might as well accept it right!! I have no right to say NO to my destiny as it has already been predestined the moment I was born...
Why is it that people keep wanting to be friends with me even though I have surround a barrier myself?! I have always tried not to make new friends as I was afraid of being used and forgotten the moment they have needed something from me... What are the true purpose of they wanting to be my friend? During my primary school days... I have always been alone... I have no friends during that time and that is the truth... During that time I only have the sky and plants around me to be my friend... When I enter secondary school life, I earn myself very wonderful friends and even earning very very very close friends whom I really treasure with all my heart... I was really happy back then... Really happy... I can not ask more than what I have during that time... But... Soon... Reality came slapping me back to this world... All changed when I entered another leap of education system and finally made me realised that all this while, I have always been in the shadow of my friends and I can never stand out when I am alone... I bathe in the light of my friends... I can never shine on my own...
In fact I am just like the moon... I can never shine on my own... I need another to help make me shine... Without the sun, the moon will never be able to be seen in the dark sky... I am just like the moon... MY friends are like the sun and i am like the moon supporting the sun... In the end, nobody recognizes the moon as the moon is not something lovely and in this society not all adores the moon or even admire the moon... To me... Everytime I see the moon and stars up on the dark velvet sky it makes me feel that I am just like them... Their light can rarely be seen as their light are covered by the majestic light from the sun and it appears that I am just like the infinite dark velvet sky... Living as a shadow in other's presence...
I am after all a very NORMAL average student/person... With no special talents and special skills... I am not born with these I understand that... Even though everybody say that everyone is born the same, I do not see that... And everything is fair... To me... That is not true... If it is true that everything is fair, and born just like how normal kids are then why must there be innocent babies born with deformaties?! IS that what you call normal and fair?! I really do not understand anything of this! I can never understand on to why am I even born if I were to just always be a shadow and only create unhappiness and trouble around me? MY existence alone is not making anyone happy... I am never appreciated... I am never appreciated... Thus, this marks the beginning of Khafian's life as a shadow...
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