Life of an Otaku

Lots of people said that lately i've always been feeling sad and everything... but they did not understand truly what i feel. They did not ask the reason behind my sadness but then when they asked, and i tell them my reason... they said i think too much and that i am being paranoid. Being paranoid am I? Look at what happened to me now? I'm being cast out... forgotten like how a pile of trash being treated.

I am used to being alone... really, I am for I've always been like that ever since I was in Loyang Primary School. I am not exactly what people would say the popular type and I am use to be treated like that... with having no friends that is. But then, I thought... maybe in Secondary School... my luck would change but then it is still the same isn't it. No one wants to make friends with me. The only reason i could probably give of being 'popular' in school was probably due to me being friends with Aliff and Ridzwan.

I did not think much of that until when I've graduated from Siglap Secondary School. Only then did i notice that they were not exactly warmed up to me like I expected them to be... I guess.. as what people said, My kindness will sometimes let people take advantage of you and i guess that is true isn't it? Everything is being revealed to me that the only reason they are nice to me is just because they need smth frm me isn't it?

You know what? When I said this to a certain someone about this... she cried in front of me... what the hell? Do you think i will trust the tears coming from your eyes and the words from your mouth? I don't think so... if you think you are not using me and that you truly consider me as your friend, won't you at least reply to me my sms or picked up my call? But no... instead, she remained quiet about it and would not even apologised to me. But she replied to her other friends, and even to those whom she barely know for like a few months?!

As if i can trust you... you have lied to me once before about a certain incident and i can never ever believe you ever again not even if you were to apologised to me... Maybe you think i am but just a friend that can be used and then throw away like a piece of tissue paper? Hurting other guys feelings and then can still joke and laughed about it treating it as if it was nothing. What kind of human is that?

Enough of that... I best forget about them if they want to forget about me. I've been practically alone ever since i am 8 yrs old... I will be fine alone even till when i grow old... People say, Friends are most important and that they will be there when you need them but then where are they when i need them?! They always expect me to be there but then... when i need them, they forgot about you! Not even my bestfriend... and i wonder if any of my friends whom i treasured deeply cared even much about me like how i did for them? I guess... my kindness and caring are just being wasted on them.

Thodeus is right... Being in a solitude is much more pleasurable than being surrounded by those you call friends.

I am just pouring my heart out in this blog. It's not as if people would read this. And even if they read it, do they think they will care about it?